Cat Life
by xXLostInWonderLandXx
Summary: Yaoi / AU / Smut The trials and struggles of Naruto's kitty cat stalker problem.


**Authors Notes; So I was bored one evening, wanted to write something Gaara related and BAM. My smut filled mind came up with this weird little...thing oo;; I seriously don't know why I write these things lol So naughty :O Kinda Ooc, so yeah. **

**Rated; M for obvious reasons. Yaoi smut galore**

**Disclaimer; I do NOT own Naruto or any of it's character. I only borrow them to make the male characters do unspeakable things to each other :D**

**Please review, I love them. **

**Peace :O**

* * *

Cat Life

It had been a long day. Naruto was more than grateful to arrive home as he dragged his feet up the inclined street to his dingy little studio apartment on the outer city limits of Daikanyama.

He heavily climbed each flight of stairs to the fifth floor with more than necessary dramatic pants and groans. Each long hellish step was just that much closer to a warm bed, some fruits snacks and maybe a nice DDR session. Finally the little lush reached his door. A light from heaven seemed to shine down on the drab green door as a symphony of angels serenaded Beethoven and little naked angel cherubs danced around the knob.

The number six only hung there with a morbid expression (as usual) in reality, but the Uzumaki was much more inclined to dramatics and totally blowing things out of proportion. Much more fun.

In fact, Naruto's little hovel did not stand behind the door marked as number six, but instead his apartment was number sixty-nine (to the delight and amusement of his more comically correct friends). The number nine had fallen off and was lost to oblivion thanks to the many well practiced door slams over the two years he resided there.

The apartment room itself was one total craptastic piece of…well, crap. It wasn't that bad of course, but as previously noted, one of Naruto's hobbies involved exaggerating. The room was small; a futon lay out near the sliding glass door to the tiny balcony that a child couldn't even sit in comfortably. A small extension through a door to the left of the futon connected to a small bathroom and next to that door was a tiny smuf-esque kitchen. The kitchen obviously morphed into to the living room, dinning room and TV room where said futon lay, also making it a bedroom.

Convenient.

Decor consisted of a few game posters, and a poster of a movie Naruto had never heard of in his entire life. The melodramatic Chinese romance poser only hung there to block an unsightly stain he couldn't get out of the white wall when he first moved in.

He had many knickknacks lying around though, including his treasured comic book collections, various anime models, and video game counsels. Naruto had gone a week without eating just to buy a Playstation 3 so he kept the thing on top of a small table he scarified for it. This meant all meals were eaten on his futon in front of a TV much too large to be in a room of that capacity.

Sighing in relief to be home, Naruto tossed his messenger bag onto the small counter in the kitchen and took a quick shower, then changed into his lazy clothes; black basketball shorts and a _Mothra_ shirt three sizes too big for him.

He turned on the tube while he dried his hair. A strange variety show involving cute school girls chucking watermelon halves at each other while running through a maze was flashing colorfully on the screen. Naruto got a few cheap laughs out of the program and one of the girls fell over exposing a nice panty shot.

He changed the channel to a whiny rock music video, then back to the watermelon battle and then to a special on the mating habits of elephants. Naruto gagged at the hardcore animal porn and quickly changed the channel once more to good old fashion, non emotional scarring cartoons.

Anime was always fun.

As he got comfortable on the white futon, he opened a large Monster Energy drink and snaked on some Pocky. He laughed with mouth full of said dessert spewing chocolate coated crumbs all over the blankets.

It was Friday, which meant the next day was Saturday. And Saturday was the only day out of the entire week blondie did not have work or school to plague his lazy mind. A beautiful, well deserved, well earned day off. Naruto decided early that day he would not move from that exact spot until Sunday morning. Then he would peel himself off the sheets and tenderly nurse his bed sores before going to work.

Naruto juggled two part time jobs and a student lifestyle, a.k.a. the "Die Before You Turn Thirty" lifestyle. He worked every day from five a.m. in the morning until noon at a little flower shop called Yamanaka. It was a minimum wage job, but the work itself was so delightfully easy and the owner's daughter, his co-worker, was a total cutie and he enjoyed teasing her.

After playing florist was over, he had an hour to walk back home, change, and get ready for school. At exactly one thirty, he walked up the college steps with his friends and stared absentmindedly at his professor. He had English 102, to out write J.K. Rowling and kick her out of her English country side castle and make her his maid, and CG animation for his future career of "The greatest Video Game Creator Since Kojima".

School lasted from one thirty until six fifteen with a small break in between. He then packed up; runs back home at the speed of light, changes into his best outfit, catches the Yamanote train leaving to Harajuku and if lucky makes it to his next job at exactly six thirty five.

His second job was bartending at a cute little club just out side the trendiest dives in Harajuku. Midori Ai.

Bartending proved to be much more hectic and challenging then arranging flowers, but Naruto enjoyed the music the club played, and had a knack for mixing drinks. Being friendly and funny helps too, as he never got a bad tip. Of course this meant gritting his teeth and smiling at gay business men who whispered very risqué things into his ear while he poured them another shot, or the up and out people who cried as they told them sob stories, and his favorite, the drunk women who hung all over him after only two Margaritas.

At twelve o' clock at night, Naruto would catch the Yamanote line leaving from Harajuku station back into the Shibuya ward at the main station and walk back into his home city of Daikanyama. He would arrive back home at nearly one, his feet aching, his shoulders sore from mixing so many dry martinis, and occasionally flustered from a random groper on the train.

So now here he was, watching cartoons with a six pack of coke and enough Twinkies and Zingers to last him through an entire nuclear holocaust.

His apartment was small, and crappy, but all in all he loved the little box, even more so on the beloved Fridays when he could look forward to being a lazy ass all Saturday.

The small clock above the television read 1:49 a.m. The night was young and a Powerpuff Girls marathon was about to start

Awesome.

"Dun dun dun, dun, dun dun." Naruto hummed along to the theme song some whilst cramming a large handful of jolly ranchers into his mouth. The boy had an amazing, nearly inhuman metabolism which may have explained why he was not yet six hundred pounds.

Naruto's cell phone rang, the ending theme to _The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya _played sweetly and Naruto did of a few of the famed dance steps before answering the orange phone.

"Moshi moshi?!" He answered his mouth still crunchy with little fruit flavored candies. He watched the TV screen in interest as Blossom uppercut Mojo Jojo.

Take that, green monkey!!

"Naruto? What the hell are you watching? Turn that down; I'm trying to talk to you. Ugh I swear." Sasuke's velvety voice rang through the phone speaker and into Naruto's ear like a wake up call. He snapped out of his candy, green monkey infested thoughts and laughed.

"Right. Sorry Sasuke."

Sasuke was Naruto's best friend from school and while stoic, he was also very odd in his own Sasuke way.

"Oh my god are you watching the Powerpuff Girls marathon?" Sasuke asked quickly with a large gasp.

"Yup." Naruto answered.

"So am I. Isn't Mojo so….green?"

Point Proven.

Sasuke continued. "Anyway, are you still coming out with us for drinks tomorrow night?"

"Usual time, usual place?" Naruto asked through another mouthful of candy.

"Dur."

"I'll be there."

"Okay then, ja ne. I like this episode."

_Click_

_Dial tone._

Naruto tossed to phone back onto the small table and returned to watching the three mutant bug eyed girls beat up monkeys and tyrannies.

On most Saturdays, the blonde went out with his three friends, the three S's for drinks. Sakura Sasuke and Sai. It was weekly ritual for them and Naruto always had so much fun on the little vacations.

They drank at Midori Ai. Yes, Naruto's workplace which was actually rather tacky but they got 15 off of the drinks so whatever.

Naruto snuggled up against a pillow and ate a large Twinkie, getting white creamed filling on the side of his mouth, totally at ease with the state of the universe.

_Meow._

"What the…"

_Meow._

Heaving himself up like he _was _six hundred pounds, Naruto slouched to the open window and stuck his big blonde head out of it, avoiding sharp branches. It was pitch black outside, silent at always since no ever drove up the dead end street on which he lived. Only noobs who didn't read the 'Dead End' sign would drive into the street, and curve around the bend and back the way they came, their headlights flashing angrily at the loss of time.

Seeing nothing, Naruto shrugged and was about to fling himself back onto the futon again when-

_Meow_

Naruto rapidly turned on his heel and his blue eyes meet with a pair of wild glowering hues starring patronizingly back at him through the darkness like little yellow lamps.

It was a large ginger cat sitting at the edge of the large tree that stood dangerously close to Naruto's window. The branches were almost invading the room, so much so the window would not close. The cat's eyes were a bright aqua, with dark black ringlets framing each hue. His fur was ginger red, with hints of brown stripes leading to a busy tail also covered in ringlets like a raccoon or a badger.

The cat most likely belonged to the crazy cat women who lived across the way from Naruto. She always had meowing cats at her heels and talked to them like children, feeding them expensive can food. The little flea bitten mongrels most likely got fed more then Naruto did. He often found them in his own room sneaking in through the window out of curiosity.

However upon further inspection Naruto saw no collar around the animals ginger neck. The cat lady always had her kitties properly licensed with a shiny collar and heart shaped name tags bearing the lame names she gave to them like "Waggles" or "Mr. Tulip-Toes".

"Hey kitty." Naruto said with a smile, reaching out his hand to signal he wanted to pet the cat. Ginger made no movement but instead stared Naruto down with a hard gaze. Naruto vaguely wondered if he should smack it off the tree with a broom, but then remembered he had no broom and instead ran to the kitchen to open his last can of Tuna.

"Are you hungry, little kitty?" he asked in a babying voice as he opened the can and set it in front of the cat. The ginger kitty happily ate all the cans' contents in a matter of seconds, purring loudly as he devoured the chicken of the sea. It was then Naruto noticed the poor thing was all bone beneath the bushy ginger fur.

Not his problem.

He would feed the thing once and shoo it away. He didn't need another mouth to feed, and he actually really wanted that last tuna can….

Naruto returned to his spot on the futon and tried to watch more PPG but was immediately irked by the hard stare of the ginger cat who had still not left after finishing his charity food. His eyes were somehow too piercing for a normal cat, and they glowed luminously from the branch outside. And frankly, it was fucking creepy.

The blonde stood back up and glared back at the intruder. The thing was obviously a demon spy sent to assassinate Naruto before he found the unlocked gate of Zarath and unleashed a power beyond human comprehension on the universe.

Naruto was spaz.

Cautiously, Naruto reached out a hand and lightly stroked the ginger fur, his fingers trembling as if the cat was going to eat him as soon as he made contact.

Instead of devouring him like a beast, ginger merely purred and arched his back happily as Naruto rubbed him. Naruto grinned; maybe he wasn't a demon after all.

Maybe...

Feeling more at ease he would keep his life that night, Naruto returned to his bed and tucked in, suddenly feeling extremely tired. He had pleasant dreams full of Jedi and anime characters and saving damsels in distress from scantily clad villainesses who later proclaimed to him their unyielding love.

The bright light poking in through the branches from the window shined annoying on his face awoke him Saturday morning. He grumbled and hissed at the light dramatically like a vampire might and grouchily got out of the covers. Naruto hated mornings no matter what.

The TV was still on, as he had forgotten to turn it off the night before. A weird cartoon buzzed in his ears and he tried to wake up some more. He absentmindedly peeled a Twinkie wrapper from his cheek.

"Hm…."

Feeling like he was being watched, his eyes instinctively moved back to the branch near the window.

Aqua eyes stared back at him very expectantly.

"You're still here?!" He yelped shocked at the sudden stare down contest. "I'm not made out of delicious tuna you little fluffy red rat!! Go away!!" He pointed in a random direction like the cat was going to listen. Naruto grumbled and walked into the bathroom. He should have never fed the neko demon.

After washing his face and brushing his teeth, Naruto changed into flared jeans, a black J-Rock shirt and hastily tied up his drab old back and white Converse in a lazy knot. As he hooked his wallet chain to his pants, he noticed the cat was in the exact same place he had been before like a living statue.

Persistent little bugger.

He grabbed his keys, and with one last glare at the cat, Naruto locked his apartment door and walked back down the stairs to the street outside.

The apartment was on a small hill so walking down was so much easier and more enjoyable than walking up. Most of the other complexes were empty for some reason, and Naruto pegged that fact on the creepy neighbors. Crazy cat lady and himself included. Not to mention the weird stoners with the heavy dread locks and their compulsive sun glasses wearing. Then there was the ex sex offender, Orochimaru, who lived right across from Naruto's building. The guy creeped him out and he always saw him coming home with different guys, or walking outside to get the mail in lacey _women's_ lingerie.

Naruto whistled cheerily, swinging his keys around on his finger, the Keroro keychain chimed against the metal. He was positively giddy.

It was a nice day, not too hot not too cool and the sky was chock full of marshmallow esque clouds floating lazily over the tall buildings. Naruto could even make out Tokyo Tower in the distance looming elegantly over the rest of the city. His fellow residents of Daikanyama bustled around the streets, going to work, out for groceries, children riding bikes. Naruto watched a few Baby Lolita giggling and playing with a puppy near Shibuya station with a dreamy grin.

It was around noon, and that meant food. Real food, not Twinkies and cupcakes. And that meant ramen. Naruto felt like he was one of the few chosen ones who truly understood the art and craft, the essence of a good bowel of ramen. Teuchi-san was another worthy disciple of the ramen way of life. He was the owner of Ichiraku Ramen, a humble little stand near the Daikanyama shopping district.

Ichiraku had the best ramen in Tokyo no doubt.

"Hey Teuchi-san!" Naruto greeted his favorite chef cheerfully and ordered a large bowel of beef ramen. He always sat in the middle of the ramen bar so he could get a good view of Teuchi's daughter Ayame while she rolled dough in the back of the stand. Any women who could make Ramen was automatically a goddess in the little baka's eyes.

"Hey, Naruto-kun is that thing yours?" Teuchi said, leaning over the bar and pointing at something behind Naruto.

"Hm?" The blonde turned his head, a mouthful of orgasm inducing noodles hanging loosely out of his mouth. "GYAAAH!!" Said noodles were now all over the floor.

_Meow_

The demon cat was right there in back of Naruto sitting politely and starring up at him with his same pair of aqua eyes. He licked his lips and pawed at the bottom of the stool Naruto was sitting on.

"Aw, what a cute cat." Ayame said, walking to the front of the counter and squatting down to pet the demon. Naruto finished choking on a piece of ramen and quickly snatched Ayame away from the evil neko.

"No way!! That cats a devil spy!! It's not mine!!"

"Oh Naruto, you're just being over dramatic again." Ayame picked up the cat and laughed as it licked the wing of her nose. Naruto could have sworn it gave him a triumphant smirk afterwards. But the blonde had no time to think about it, as Ayame was now feeding the ginger demon a piece of chicken.

"Nooooo!! Don't feed it!!"

Too late.

The cat purred loudly as he ate, flicking his tail around in happy little pompous circles. Ayame was all googly eyed the whole time. Damn cat.

Naruto had asked Ayame if she wanted the cat before he uneasily finished his bowel of ramen and began to walk home. To his dismay, her and her father lived in an apartment complex that didn't allow pets.

As he made his way past Shibuya station to go back home, the cat trotted along besides his ankles like a heeling dog. People stared in awe and were nothing but impressed at such a well trained cat. Kids squealed in delight and pet the demon, and a few people even asked Naruto his technique for training cats to heel. The only good thing about being tailed by a devil cat from the underworld was the attention from all the girls.

"Awww, kawaii!!"

The Lolita's Naruto had passed earlier came running up to him, their rocking horse shoes clacking. Only then did ginger become violent.

The girls ran away screaming dramatically as the cat hissed and spat at them like they were rabid dogs after his hide. Impressive.

"The force is strong with this one." Naruto said, squatting down and grinning at the cat. Then he realized those girls may have asked for his number and then tried to kick the neko demon.

Before he knew it, Naruto found himself running around the city like a lunatic trying to escape from the soft, furry, but still evil grasp of the ginger demon. He leapt into dumpsters and climbed into random apartments, hid in stores, but the cat always found him and meowed innocently every time their eyes met. Naruto already had a black eye from walking into the ladies bathroom and was almost attacked by some dogs that saw the cat behind him.

"Okay….t-truce…" Naruto wheezed a while later, lying face down in the middle of the sidewalk. People walked over his limp body without glancing at him at all. Except for the little old lady who gave him some loose change.

_Meow_

The cat seemed to smile as Naruto let him follow him back home.

Back at apartment room 69, the blonde stared hard at the demon, the most epic starring contest of the century. The cat sat in a little muffin on the same tree branch, its tail flickering teasingly back and forth.

A declaration of _war_.

Naruto had not yet blinked and glared as hard as he could. It had been thirty-five minutes and his eyes were blood red and dry as the Sahara.

"You will not defeat me…." Naruto mumbled, leaning forward more. The cat simply yawned, still not blinking.

Naruto's phone rang, and he snatched it off the table like a maniac.

"HELLO, HELLO!?"

"Argh, lower your decibels, dobe."

"OH MAH GAWD!! SASUKE, GET YOU'RE SPEAR!! I AM UNDER ATTACK!!"

"….Naruto, what are you smoking?"

"No really, listen; there is a demon cat in my room, right now! I could die ANY second!"

"You're overreacting as usual."

"As usual!?"

"Yes, since only last week you thought the salamander in your room was Jaba the Hut in disguise……I swear Naruto, lay off the Zingers….Anyway I called to remind you about tonight."

"He eats Lolita's!!"

"Naruto-dobe, one more word out of you and I will have you committed. Ja ne."

_Click_

_Dial tone_

"Shit!" Naruto threw the phone on the bed and turned back to the cat. Its eyes were closed and he was spread out on the tree branch for a little cat nap. This caused Naruto to do a ten minute victory dance, so loud the landlady came to shut him up.

--

That evening, Naruto turned off the tube and dusted the cookie crumbs off his shirt.

All ready for a night on the town.

He grabbed his keys and cautiously looked at the cat. He was curled up in a ball and sound asleep as he had been for the last three hours. Assassins sure liked to sleep. Naruto quietly shut the door and tippy toed down the stairs.

The sun had already set, except for the copper splashes and orange around the horizon. Tokyo Tower was silhouetted in front of the indigo orange canvas, Naruto's favorite Saturday scene. It was cool, the breeze almost nippy against Naruto's cheeks.

He caught his usual trains back to Harajuku.

Harajuku could easily be called the most young and trendy part of Tokyo, and the bright Saturday nights spewed out all the reasons why. The neon lights flared luminously, arcades, clothing stores, pachinko, karaoke bars, the works. Every street corner held a new sight. Naruto stopped to watch a street performer dancing in the old Japanese Noh. A giant Pikachu crashed into him and more Lolita's and crazy cosplayers flooded the streets. Harajuku girls flaunted their designer bags and performed pop songs on the sidewalks. Every rave he passed blared the techno beats, the song pounding Naruto's chest.

But once you passed the bright lights and allures of the Tokyo night life, you reach Midori Ai.

In between a famous anime store and a small Sushi bar was a long dark alley with no special markings except a green neon sign with the Kanji character for person leading deeper in the alley. In the far back was Midori Ai.

It looked like nothing on the outside, just a large green door and one small green light. It was always dark outside the place except for the lit cigarette butts of the loiterers hanging around the entrance.

Naruto walked in.

Midori Ai's design was set to a traditional yet modern Japanese theme. Tatami mats and white marble lined the floor, a black marble bar around the entire place and Samurai armor and swords on the walls. The sliding doors were painted with mystical Japanese hell demons. The dance floor was dimly lit with a glowing white light making the black marble shine beautifully.

Midori Ai only played older music like Yukata Ozaki and The Blue Hearts. Naruto hummed along to "Linda Linda" as he walked up the stairs to the second floor. The song blasted through the speakers filling the building with the bands outlandish lyrics and unique guitar solos.

Lik_e a rat, I want to be beautiful_

_He's got beauty you can't see in a picture._

_Linda Linda_

"Oi! Naruto-chan!" Sai waved to the blonde, his usual emotionless smile planted across his pretty boy face. Sakura and Sai were already there. Naruto noticed how pretty Sakura looked in her pink cocktail dress….Sasuke was wearing a black long sleeved shirt same as Sai except Sai's had some weird design going on.

"Hey." Sakura smiled, scooting over to make room. You had to sit on your knees on red cushions at that club.

Sasuke grinned, already looking a little tipsy.

Naruto ordered a coke from one of the waitresses dressed in a black and red kimono. He wasn't exactly good at drinking.

"So, Naru-chan, we hear you had a little trouble with a kitty cat today." Sai said with a pleasant, but mocking smile. He ran his finger around the rim of his champagne glass making it emit an eerie ring.

"Sasuke, you told on me?" Naruto threw a scowl at the Uchiha. Sasuke was too busy downing a Jack Daniels to notice.

"That's so lame…" Sakura giggled.

"Is not! The thing is evil! He just glared at me all day with these huge eyes." The baka made a scary face to emphasize. Sakura bust out in hysterical laughter. "You always blow things out of proportion." She giggled, hiccupping a little.

"Remember the old lady?" Sai asked the other S's. They nodded and laughed spastically.

Naruto glowered. "You mean the one with the samurai sword?"

"You see!? That's what I mean!! She was an old lady!! She tripped and hit you with a _cane_, Naruto."

"Nu uh!! She came right at me with a sword!!"

"You watch too much TV…." Sasuke said in a low mumble next to him. He was ordering another drink.

Sai grabbed Naruto's soda and smirked. "If we wanted soft drinks we could have gone to Mc Donalds. Order something with liquor in it will ya?"

"You know I can't drink!" Naruto yelled back, trying to grab his soda.

"You can get a little drunk." Sai answered holding it above the blondes reach like a school bully.

Naruto was a terrible drunk and he couldn't hold anything in. Sakura had the dry cleaning receipts to prove it.

"Have one!!" Sakura and Sasuke joined in, nudging him playfully.

"No way!!"

"Oooh c'mon, just one?"

"One wont hurt, you pussy."

"Nuu!"

"Gaaay."

"Oh em gee!! Peer pressure!! Okay, I'll have one."

The three S's cheered and ordered Naruto his favorite Strawberry Dachery.

A few hours later Sai, Sasuke, and Naruto were holding each others shoulders and swaying back and forth singing the "O Day Banana Boat" boat song terribly off tune.

Sasuke had his tie around his head, Rambo style (they spilled first blood), and Sai had suddenly developed an English accent (I say, old chap). Sakura was reduced to a little ball on the floor laughing till she had tears in her eyes.

The foursome stumbled out of the bar a few minutes later, still singing in a drunken slur but feeling on top of the world. After holding back Sakura's hair back while she puked in a trashcan, Naruto waved goodbye to his friends and tripped his way back to the station.

Luckily it was empty and Naruto took the opportunity to take a leak in the corner.

Hey, he just couldn't hold it.

When Naruto got to Daikanyama he laughed each time he tripped like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard and swayed back in forth like a lunatic on the sidewalk with a local hobo before reaching his favorite dead end street.

It was 12:14

The night was beautiful, cool and the sky was crystal clear. Naruto snapped out of his haze half way to his complex and sat on the steps outside the door lazily, looking up at the stars. His head was still cloudy but he did better than he usually did after drinking that much. He contemplated walking to the 24 hour convience store for some aspirin that he would so desperately need in the morning when he heard a loud rustling coming from the fence across the street. The blonde thought nothing of it, it was more than likely Orochimaru sneaking an under aged boy into his apartment. Usual stuff.

Naruto leaned against the cement step, heaving a large content sigh. The rustling stopped and the night was quiet again except for a few dogs starting to yap and howl somewhere down the dead end street. Stupid dogs. Naruto would defiantly need some aspirin soon. Braking, barking. His stomach growled as he yawned. Some Twinkies were in order. More barking. Man, those dogs were loud. Maybe some cheetos would fill him up more. Howling and barking. Hmm, sounded like they were getting closer…

"What tha…" Naruto sat up as the loud barking of the dogs was joined in by loud metallic clanking and howling. He squinted through the dark street, the only street lamp flickered dully in the corner illuminated a green trashcan with the fluorescent light. There was another sound loosely wrapped around the barks and snarls. Screeching maybe?

The realization hit Naruto like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the jaw as the horrible screech or a cat flooded the dead end street like a siren.

Two dogs then ran out from behind the alley; a large fierce looking pit bull and an ugly white Chihuahua resembling the love child of Dobby the house elf and Golem. They nipped and snarled at the heels of the poor ginger cat who was frantically clawing its way up a short chain linked fence to hardly any avail. The rabid canines snapped dangerously close to the cat's tail and back paws as the neko demon hissed and spat, it's red fur standing straight up on its arched back.

Poor demon cat.

Naruto watched as the pit bull jumped up and nearly caught the tail in its dribbling jaws. Sure, the dogs would solve Naruto's stalker problem quite nicely but was Naruto that cruel and heartless? Would he really let the cat become nothing more then a steaming pile of dog shit next to a fire hydrant? No one deserved that gruesome fate.

Not even demon assassin ginger cats.

Snapping into action, Naruto grabbed a nearby trashcan and lifted the tin high above his head getting showered with banana peels and used tampons.

"KAMEKAMEHAAA"

Naruto's battle cry was fierce and brutal; the epitome of bravery, self-sacrifice and heroism. The silver tin of the trashcan twirled in circles and waltzed gracefully with the black trash lid, the night dew sparkling off the metallic surface like pixie dust as it soared towards the villainous dogs.

It clanked loudly against a wall, missing said villains by ten to fifteen long feet.

"Ah crap…"

Naruto moaned in annoyance as the thick furry necks of the dogs snapped towards him, their eyes flashing menacingly.

"RUN, GINGER!! RUUUN!!" Naruto screamed as the dogs jolted towards him, their fangs dripping saliva and…evil. The cat yowled and jumped over the advancing dogs, his little pads hitting the asphalt rapidly towards Naruto's outstretched arms.

Everything happened all at one eighth of a second.

The cat belted to Naruto, halfway across the street as the dogs snarled and snapped at its heels. At the exact same time a blue sports car screeched towards the dead end street, the white blazing headlights flashing brightly in Naruto's eyes. Techno played loudly, the sound blaring out of the car speakers pounding in Naruto's chest. The lights shinned on the three animals who stood petrified in the glow of the light. The driver honked menacingly without slowing down, scaring the dogs who ran in the opposite direction tail between their legs.

But the ginger cat stood back arched, its aqua eyes wide and petrified as the car's tires skid, the rubber burning and screeching.

Naruto had no idea what possessed him to jump in front of the car and barrel roll out of harms way, the furry bundle in his arms. Naruto rolled over the spiny cement just as the car skid to a halt before reversing and skidding back down the way it came.

Naruto lay panting on the grass, a cold sweat splattered across his forehead. "Oh mah gawd…I saw my life flash before my eyes…" Naruto wheezed, still starring wide eyes in shock at the dark street. The cat licked his cheek.

A window slammed open above him.

"Hey!! Some people are trying to sleep!!" Orochimaru yelled, his voice muffled through a ball gag he was trying to take out of his mouth.

"Sorry Orochimaru-san!"

Naruto winced as Orochimaru closed the window again but not before he showed off the latex and fishnet ridden costume he had on.

The blonde stood, dusting himself off as his heartbeat returned to a non heart attack inducing rate. Ginger mewled at his heels, his tail flicking around in little circles. Naruto threw him a nasty look.

"Go away, demon. You're nothing but trouble. Almost getting us killed…." He picked up his bag and the cat rubbed himself against Naruto's leg. The blonde couldn't help but smile warmly at the little trouble maker. He bent down to stroke the soft red fur. "Stay out of trouble you little freak of nature. And be happy I didn't let you turn into kitty side-walk pizza."

With that, Naruto walked back up to his apartment, his legs still feeling like jelly. You could never have a good near death experience no matter how cool you were. He vaguely wondered if he should call Sasuke for a quick valium hookup before bed. Too sleepy and shaken up to turn on the television, Naruto collapsed onto the futon in his boxers without changing into pajamas. The blankets were warm and soft and Naruto tried not to think about work early tomorrow. He soon fell deep into unconsciousness.

--

_Hmm…..someone poking me….Noo…go away, that tickles…..Ahh….Okay, okay, I'll wake up…._

"Hn?" Naruto's eyelid heavily lifted up, his vision blurry and his apartment dark except for an eerie blue glow the moon cast. The smell was musty and dry with a hint of sweets as it usually was. He rubbed his face and groaned loudly wondering why it was he had woken up.

_Poke._

He froze.

_Poke poke_

What felt like a soft female finger was jabbing him roughly over and over in the ribcage. Naruto shot up out of bed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHH!!"

Naruto screamed and kicked his way back against the wall, holding his fluffy pillow in front of him like a medieval shield.

A redheaded boy sat on his knees in front of him with large unblinking aqua eyes, dark black ringlets around his eyelids. He wore an oversized brown and crimson kimono that draped loosely off his shoulders revealing creamy ivory skin and soft curved shoulders. He bowed deeply, his fingertips and his knees. "My name is Gaara." He spoke softly, his voice even and emotionless although his face flushed pink at the end of the sentence.

Naruto's mouth opened and closed over and over like a fish out of water, his head spinning. Why was a scary red head kid sitting at the foot of his futon? Too many Twinkies obviously had an LSD like effect.

"W-w-who?" He stammered, choking on the words like his mouth was dry and full of saltine crackers.

"Gaara." The redhead answered, lifting a hand to point at himself. "That's my name." Naruto nodded rapidly although he had no idea what that meant. Gaara tilted his head questioning. "I'm the cat." He added as if it was a silly something that slipped his mind.

"…..Eh?"

Naruto stared dumbfounded at the redhead, his mouth a perfect circular 'O'. He nearly screamed again when a bushy fox-like tail popped out from behind the redhead, flicking around casually. It was then he noticed the large ginger ears perched acutely atop the boy's red hair.

"_Hoo my god, this is a dream, a creepy seriously fucked up dream…"_

Naruto clutched onto his pillow tightly like a lifeline as the boy/cat named Gaara crawled slowly towards him.

"S-Stay away!! I know karate!" Naruto slurred, trying to back up further against the wall.

"This isn't a dream." Gaara spoke quietly, ignoring Naruto's spastic threats of light sabers and kung fu attacks. "See?" He reached out a hand, his dainty fingers lightly stroking the side of Naruto's cheek. The blonde winced at the touch but was somehow soothed by the smooth skin and the warmth radiating between the flesh. Gaara smiled, inexplicably causing Naruto's heart to do a cartwheel in his ribcage.

"S-so, you really are that ginger cat?" Naruto asked cautiously, lowing the shield pillow only slightly below his chin. Gaara nodded. "Are you going to kill me? Or drink my soul?"

"No."

"Then-"

"I want to thank you." The cat boy bowed again, his hair close to Naruto's face. He could distinctly make out the serene smell of vanilla seeds. "You saved my life twice."

"T-twice?" Naruto couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was there a strangely sexy and erotic cat boy in front of him, it was now thanking him. "I only saved you once."

Gaara shook his head. "No. Twice." He held up two fingers. "You fed me when I was on the verge of collapsing from hunger, and you protected me from the car and the dogs."

Naruto blinked.

There were two logical explanations for this.

He had been watching too much TV causing a large tumor the size of his fist to grow on the back of his cornea and was pressing against his frontal lobe causing hallucinations.

He finally had a heart attack from all the Twinkies and was having a coma induced dream, aided by the hellish amount of morphine being dumped into his veins.

Yep. That seemed right.

Naruto watched Gaara who stared back at him quietly.

"You don't say much do you?" Naruto asked, after the slice pounding in his ears was beginning to give him a headache.

Gaara narrowed his eyes. "I'm a cat."

Naruto fell over. "You say that and here you are sitting in front of me like…like, THAT!" He jabbed an accusing finger at the redhead. "So what do you want!? You said sorry, so go away!!"

Gaara shoot him a scrutinizing stare causing a tremor of fear to shoot up Naruto's spine.

"I said thank you." Gaara said, his mellow voice sounding more fierce. "But I want to give you a reward." The red kimono slid smoothly off his shoulders, pooling around his hips and revealing the porcelain skin, two little pink nubs, and the soft dip of his navel.

Naruto's heart exploded, the shrapnel fluttering into his stomach.

Before the blonde could stutter out incomprehensible words of bewilderment, the cat boy leaned forward like a feline advancing on prey. His skin was so beautiful and flawless, blemish free and pale as a china doll under the moons blue glow except for the two pink nubs that contrasted erotically with his ivory flesh.

"W-what what what?! What the hell are you doing!?" Naruto yelped, grabbing the red kimono and yanking it back up the owner's body to hide the beautiful sight. His fingers accidentally caressed his skin. It was so soft and warm….

Gaara lightly gripped Naruto's wrist and placed the hand on his chest. Naruto gulped, feeling the steady thumping of the cat's heartbeat under his digits. It was a simple gesture, but the most intimate Naruto had ever experienced. His blood temperature rose, a strange warmth coiled in his stomach.

"It's okay." The redhead spoke, pulling his kimono back down his shoulders. "Humans do this all the time."

Naruto could have pointed out several horribly wrong things about that sentence, but his vocal cords seemed to have shut down on him. Instead he blushed a bright red, watching in twisted awe as the neko lightly flicked his tongue against his fingertips. His eyes narrowed in on Gaara's lips. Full, pouty, slightly moist. His stomach coiled again, a strange sensation washing through his body.

"O-okay…" He muttered before zeroing on his target. Their lips met, Gaara's as soft as he thought and warm against his. Naruto's shaking hands lightly touched the small of the neko's back, the inhumanly perfect skin amazing against the tips of his fingers.

Gaara squeaked cutely when Naruto slipped his tongue into his mouth and lightly mashed them together. The redhead pressed his lips hungrily against Naruto's making low slick sounds as their mouths rubbed in unison.

The kiss was deep and sensual, but messy and novice. As Gaara broke away to breathe, a strand of saliva connected their lips together causing Naruto to flush fiercely. Gaara's emotionless eyes were now hazy and half lidded, his tender lips parted as jagged breathes escaped his lungs.

Naruto leaned in and planted sweet kisses and suckled on the smooth skin around the cat boy's neck and clavicle earning low moans from above. With every sound Naruto could feel the vibration against his lips. Almost like a purr.

"Naruto…" Gaara breathed seductively when Naruto gently bit down on his shoulder.

"I don't remember telling you my name." Naruto whispered against the soft skin as he laid Gaara back against the white futon.

"I've heard others call you that." Gaara said feverishly between pants. "I've been watching you…"

Naruto only half heard as he was too busy rolling his tongue over the small pink nubs. They hardened under each touch. He pulled the kimono open further revealing ample hipbones and the smooth pubic bone. Gaara let out what sounded like a low mewl as Naruto dipped his tongue into his navel. The blonde blushed, his black boxers getting tighter and tighter. He watched with a flush as Gaara writhed under him, his aqua eyes cloudy with lust. Gaara sat up, meeting Naruto's lips for another tender and wet kiss. He gasped into the kiss as he felt the cat boy's dainty fingers slip into his boxers and lightly wrap around his arousal.

"It's hard." Gaara said simply, a small smile playing across his lips. Naruto felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. What a weird but great dream.

Gaara broke away from Naruto's lips and traveled down his abdomen, past his stomach and rested just above his painfully throbbing cock. Naruto could have screamed when Gaara wrapped his lips around the tip.

"Mm…Gaara…" Naruto breathed as the neko's small mouth opened wide around his erection, and he suckled on it roughly. The blonde bucked his hips but Gaara held them down as he swirled the tongue along the bottom of his shaft with a moan sending luscious vibrations traveling up the sensitive flesh. Naruto leaned his head back and cooed words of encouragement.

Gaara lapped at the tip, his fingers stroking the rest of the length rapidly causing the heat in Naruto's body to rise higher and higher until it burst.

"Ah! Gaara!" He grasped onto the soft red hair as he came, his erection twitching as the white fluid spilled onto Gaara's face. He panted, feeling as his entire body had melted into a pool of warm nothingness.

Gaara smiled and wiped the cum off with his fingers then licked it off with a satisfied expression. Naruto watched with interest as the neko dipped his tongue in and out of his mouth, coating three fingers in a thick sheen of both saliva and the white fluid. When he was satisfied with his work, Gaara pushed Naruto onto the futon before kicking his leg over his chest. Naruto gulped, feeling his erection growing. He had a good view of Gaara's ass, the pink entrance was already wet and twitched cutely. It was only a vague passing thought that Naruto was glad his apartment was number 69. Best number ever.

The heat only increased as he watched with the great view, Gaara bend over and roughly insert two fingers into his own entrance while leaning further forward to suckle the tip of the blonde's erection.

He stretched the small hole wider, scissoring and dipping his fingers in and out while loud mewls and moaned sounded from his mouth. Naruto stared in awe, a bead of sweat cascaded down the side of his face. The heat was unbearable and his member throbbed painfully hard in Gaara's mouth.

Unable to continue being a spectator, Naruto roughly grabbed Gaara's thighs and brought his hips down to his face. Gaara moaned loudly as the blonde dipped his tongue into his entrance and swirled around lushly. Naruto grabbed the cat boys tail earning another loud moan from it's owner.

"N-noo…" Gaara rocked his hips back and forth feverishly, his thighs involuntarily spreading further apart. "Stop…mmm, Ah Naruto…I'm gunna…" Before he could finish his sentence, his body convulsed and a thick white ribbon spattered onto the futon. He moaned loudly, still rocking his hips and shaking them back and forth with the amazing sensation. Naruto licked his lips and turned Gaara around easily; he was light and his body had become limp with the aftershock of the powerful orgasm.

Their lips met again, and Gaara roughly grinded their hips together hungrily, unable to wait any longer.

Naruto blushed. "Gaara?"

"Narutoo, hurry up." Gaara moaned quietly, his hips still moving, eager for friction. "I want it…"

The blonde blushed as Gaara grabbed his member and without waiting or warning, crammed it into himself down to the hilt. Gaara screamed and threw his head back, his back arched all the way. Naruto moaned his name quietly, the feeling of being inside Gaara was amazing. He walls pressed unbelievably tight against his erection and the slick heat was like nothing he had ever felt before. Something warm was trickling down his length and Naruto had a feeling Gaara had started too fast. But the redhead seemed to take no notice of this as he was already pounding his hips up and down, impaling himself over and over on top of Naruto. All the blonde could do was steady himself and watch through hazy eyes as Gaara moved fast and rough.

The redhead moaned and yelled out incoherent words and he rocked his hips, his movements getting more rough and uneven by the second. Naruto bit his lip, feeling the familiar coil of heat spreading though his body like a tidal wave. At the exact same time, Gaara's walls suddenly tightened over him, his body jolting and convulsed. His nails dug sharply into Naruto's shoulders as he screamed out his name, releasing his seed onto the blonde's chest and stomach.

It was too much. Gaara's lustful expression, twisted in pleasure as he came, the way his insides tightened and the loud screams and moans. Naruto also came, bucking his hips up roughly releasing into Gaara's warmth.

They both collapsed onto the futon, their body's slick as they panted and glistened in the moon light. Naruto could distinctly feeling his own cum trickling thickly out of Gaara, the feeling slick and making him uneasy now that his brain was logging back online. The redhead was panting heavily on top of him, inadvertently lapping the fluid off of his fingers.

Naruto had some wild dreams in his lifetime, induced by his weird illusions and too much TV and video games and comic books, but never had he had a dream so realistic and…well, erotic. Even as Gaara lifted himself off of Naruto and lightly kissed his lips before curling up into a warm ball at his side, Naruto swore off ever eating Twinkies again.

--

Saturday morning sun rays shined through the window like a loud obnoxious wake-up call for the blonde baka who was sprawled all over the futon, the sheet twisted up all over his body.

He snorted in his sleep, choking on some spit before jolting up right.

"HUH? Who!? Wha…ah…" He looked around his hovel sleepily trying to adjust his eyes to the bright sunlight flooding the small room. Everything was at it should be; his PS3 shiny and proud on top of the table, the Chinese movie poster melodramatic and very pink, his blank TV reflecting his mussed bed head. The blonde rubbed his eyes and yawned, stretching his arms wide over his head.

"Huh?" He raised his arms again, noticing his back felt a little sore. Like he had rode a bike. He frowned and looked under the covers. He frowned deeper seeing that he was completely naked under said covers.

Realization.

"THE HENTAI CAT!?" He screamed at the top of his lungs and jolted out of bed, lifting the covers up expecting to see the redhead sleeping on the futon in his birthday suit, ears and tail twitching.

Nothing.

"…So it really was a dream." Naruto mumbled, his fist clenching around the sheet he held. He looked out the window deep in thought only to be interrupted by Orochimaru across the street staring back at him through his window. Naruto yelped and covered his unmentionables with the sheets before running into the bathroom.

He took a shower, brushed his teeth and changed into some clothes in under five minutes. He had work in twenty and no crazy perverted dream was going to make him late. He stared back at his reflection in the mirror, gazing into his blue eyes. There were dark tired rings under his eyes and he shuddered as the face of the redhead flashed into his mind, his dark aqua eyes fierce. What a dream that was. He just couldn't get over it.

Packing his messenger bag with his usual random crap, Naruto tried his best to keep the dream out of his mind, locking it up in the back of his mind where it would give him random hard-ons while he arranged flowers at work. Wouldn't want that.

His keys jingled when he picked them up, the Keroro keychain grinned up at him. His cell phone rang, scaring the bejeebes out of him. He yelped and jumped two feet in the air. The words Sasu lighted the screen. Naruto cursed under his breathe and answered it.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Hey Naruto." Sasuke said with a slight groan at the end of the sentence. "Shit, do I have a bad hangover….you shouldn't have let me drink so much, dobe!!"

"Sasuke….you were the one who wanted to get wasted…And um, I don't think I'm going to be drinking again anytime soon."

"Why not?"

"Ugggh, you would not BELIEVE the dream I had last night. Full blown fan fiction CRACK."

"Speak English."

"Okay…welll, you know that demon cat that was following me around all day yesterday?"

"Yep."

"Well…um, I had this dream about him…He kinda turned into a human and we...did some _things._"

"Things? What, ate tuna?"

"N-no…We um…like, hentai things…"

"…..You did hentai things with a cat."

"NO! I mean, yes, but…He was in human form!!"

"…….Let me get this straight….You had a dream last night, in which a cat turned into a human and you fucked him."

"Don't tell anyone!!"

"…..Naruto, you have some really fucked up fantasies. Call a shrink."

"….."

"Anyways, no more drinking for you. And lay off the bong. Ja ne…."

_Dial tone._

Leave it to his best and dearest friend Sasuke to comfort and console him after a hardship in life….Naruto frowned and tossed his phone into his bag overdramatically. It was almost time for work and he was going to be late if he didn't get moving.

He locked his door, ignoring his room number, and hopped down the stair skipping every other step. Orochimaru was outside watering some flowers and the creepy pasty guy gave the blonde an over friendly smile.

"Hey Naruto-chan." The guy said in his flowery, but still deep voice that gave anyone the chills.

"Hey Orochimaru-san." Naruto smiled back in a tone that said 'Leave-Me-Alone-You-Rapist'. He was smiling so creepy and wide that Naruto hightailed it out of there before the guy had a chance to say anything else. Not that Naruto wanted to know what it was.

"Phew." Naruto exclaimed as he gathered some distance. It was a hot day, and the sun glared down at him as if knowing he was having bad dreams. Naruto smiled at the orange glow innocently and jabbed the crossing button spastically.

_Meow_

"…."

_Meow_

Naruto uneasily turned his head down and met the familiar dark ringed aqua eyes starring back at him. The blonde frowned uneasily and looked around to make sure no one was watching. He squatted down in front of the ginger cat and glared.

"You really are a trouble maker, you know that?" He scolded the cat accusingly. It mewled. "Yeah, yeah. Save me your excuses. Because of you, I'm questioning my innocence."

Naruto stood up as the light changed and smiled. "Whatever. Dreams happen. C'mon. Let's go get you some chicken from Ichiraku for lunch." He picked the cat up and crossed the street, the kitty purring loudly in his arms. "And I guess we can get you a collar and few other things…." He mumbled, feeling an ache in his wallet. The cat meowed and licked his cheek. Naruto felt like the biggest freak in the world when he blushed.

"Stupid demon cat…" He mumbled. "Be happy I'm even taking you in….Gaara."

He patted the cats head as he made his way to the ramen stand, the ginger demon purring unusually content in his arms.


End file.
